I Went to the Gym Straight. I Left the Gym Gay.

Today, in the heat of an argument, somebody called me gay and I smiled at him. This could never be me four to five years ago.

I’ve never found myself in a situation where I’d have to defend queer people or at least try to advocate for their humanity (which is not supposed to be subjected to advocacy, but here we are). Sincerely, before now, the culture of satan-calling queer people was not among the things I’d frown at. It’s not that I was homophobic but because – before my formative years – I was not specifically aware of or really exposed to the LGBTQ+ community and their struggles. Like many people I grew up with, the closest I’ve come with queer narratives were in the western movies and in books, and those encounters were passive and never stroke my consciousness. But, gradually as I continue to become myself and meeting people and making friends who are helping me in the becoming (even though, they do this mostly unbeknownst), I begin to have reasons to want to explore the queer subjects and have those conversations. most especially, what goes on in their minds. Lol! Talking of their minds, as an African man and a Yoruba one at that – society at some point would educate you that something a million-foot-deep-in-the-pit-of-hell should be going on in gay people’s mind for always wanting to grind someone of the same gender.

The paradox of education is precisely this — that as one begins to become conscious, one begins to examine the society in which he is being educated. - James Baldwin

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So yesterday after ten straight weeks, I decided to go bald because I didn’t know if I’d be coming out again for the next few days or weeks, workloads and all. And you know it’s a dark time and the global compass has been relegated to a place of more uncertainty. For all I know, the corona is out to get me and my prepper mind couldn’t see past that. All through the cut, my barber was looking at my mid-section, “Tarykh see your belle, kai!” he said jokingly. I didn’t realize my big shirt couldn’t hide the size of my stomok anymore. I told him it’s the lock-down that impregnated me and we both busted into laughter. Well, my body has always been a battleground between muscles and cellulite and what can a dude do when cellulite doesn’t concede easily. So to stay fit, I have always stayed on a regular intense workout schedule. But with COVID-19 in the picture, I was like fuck it... let the cellulite knock itself out.

Anyway, I found myself in the gym today and I saw homophobia for what it is.

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The homophobic politics we embrace in Africa/Nigeria is the highest form of hypocrisy and an intentional lack of empathy. We hide behind the government policy to call homosexuality a crime but when, in reality, our individual fear and hatred for gay people is really what holds all the wrong. The law is already bad on so many fronts and needs to be revisited with every sense of humanity, but we as a people, we need to start questioning our innate homophobic culture.

The publication of some people as criminals because of their choice of who to give their bodies and hearts to is not only bullying but also sheer inhumanity. If as a straight man trying to explain the subject of queerness to other straight people could warrant threats and almost a physical assault, I’m no longer wondering what it feels like to be gay in Nigeria. I know now.

At first, the gym was as scanty as expected, nobody wants to die you know. Then we became three, four and ten. We were at ten when the Chief homophobia peddler entered. The conversation started slowly because everybody was faking Johnny Bravo Alagbara, like we were seriously there to train muscles. Then, after a while, the chief started talking about Bob Risky; the popular social cross-dresser who, despite all his consistent shenanigan on the internet hasn’t openly pronounced himself gay and who also doesn’t owe anybody that pronunciation. He was showing his pictures on makeup and the one he recently took when he went to a family function. And then James Brown, another cross-dresser dancer and a sweet young man whose video went viral following the 2018’s Egbeda hotel police raid, and whom I’d bet can’t harm a fly.

It was all jokes and laughter after one person screamed “they didn’t caught me” and the rest chorused “there was no caught.” I found myself giggling too, I didn’t know if it was the grammar or the way they all chorused as if they had rehearsed it. I’m human after all and humans can be insensitive to jokes. They went from laughing loud to submitting how they’d beat them to stupor if they ever crossed paths.

I knew this was not an empty threat, because no be today wey gay people dey collect beating and even got killed. Giovani Melton, a 14-year-old high school kid from Nevada, USA, was shot dead by his own father who would rather have a dead son than a gay son. In Uganda, four gay men and one transgender woman were killed in homophobic attacks in 2016, one of the men was bludgeoned to death. In 2015, Motshidisi Pascalina, 21, a young South African lesbian went to a late-night party where she was beaten and continuously mutilated until she breathed her last, and her body was later found on a field. Smart Joel, one of the men raided alongside James Brown by the Nigeria police was reported by Reuter to have been beaten by three Lagos area boys. Richard Akuson, a Nigerian lawyer and the founder of A Nasty Boy Magazine, narrated how he was pummeled by men who accused him of being gay and “spreading gay agenda” and how his anus was repeatedly poked with sticks. E plenty wey mouth no fit mention finish.

“Why you go beat them, dem steal your money ni?” I managed to ask.

At first, they were surprised that I could be questioning them on why they have chosen to purge the only reason Nigeria is still the poverty capital of the world, I mean it is very patriotic to remove everything that will kill the economy, and that’s what homosexuality has ever brought on us. Bad economy.

“Because they are societal eyesores and are corrupting small children.”

“Okay, how are they societal eyesores?”

He then proceeded to say the anthem of African homophobia, that it is very un-Africa, “as an African man, you must marry a woman and procreate.” Homosexuality is un-Africa? Wow! People, we’ve got ourselves another clueless Chief. He didn’t hate gay people because he’s thoroughly convinced that homosexuality is bad but because he thinks homosexuality is an imported tradition. Very nice, let us school chief and his fellow homofobik fucktards.

I’m pretty sure you must have been in a crossfire of homophobic, trans-phobic or bi-phobic attacks if you are queer or you just have sense, and as African, the argument of  “not in our culture”  always pops up. Now, this is it…

Homosexuality was not part of the rubbish the colonial masters brought to Africa. During the pre-colonial era, same-sex loving was already a thing. African languages and arts show plenty of traces of the relative acceptability of homosexuality in pre-colonial Africa – just trace the lines and you will see that it predates African written history.

Sylvia Tamale, in her  2014  article Homosexuality is not un-Africa, mentioned some Africa languages representing the immemorial of homosexuality in Africa. For example, the Shangaan of southern Africa referred to same-sex relationships as “inkotshane” (male-wife); Basotho women in present-day Lesotho engage in socially sanctioned erotic relationships called “motsoalle” (special friend) and in the Wolof language, spoken in Senegal, Homosexual men are known as “gor-digen” (men-women).

In northern Nigeria, the Hausa refer to effeminate men as “yan daudu” (men-wives) and in the west, the Yoruba uses the term “adofuro” to describe homosexuality, which holds a colloquial meaning of someone who engages in anal sex. Unlike the Yoruba term which is socially more like a colloquial jibe, the Hausa term is more of an identity. Also, in the Eastern part, up to date, there is still a woman-husband culture where women are allowed to pay dowry and take other women in as wives. Though, there has been scholarly debates on the issues of if women-husbands engage in sexual activities with their wives as the purpose of the union in the first place is more of a societal uplifting and categorically never about sexual pleasure. These are clear indications that homosexuality was not alien to the Africa space prior to the white men invasion.

If there was anything that was un-Africa, it was homophobia and the act of persecuting gays who haven’t stolen or killed anybody, but only guilty for finding happiness in same gender. How? balance me real quick.

There are other stronger examples of same-sex relationships. For example, the ancient cave paintings of the San people near Guruve in Zimbabwe depict two men engaged in some form of ritual sex. During pre-colonial times, the “mudoko dako,” or effeminate males among the Langi of northern Uganda were treated as women and could marry men. In Buganda, one of the largest traditional kingdoms in Uganda, it was an open secret that Kabaka (king) Mwanga II, who ruled in the latter half of the 19th century, was gay.

Then there is always another item of "‘religion says’. “Islam does not support it, Christianity doesn’t too.” Does religion ask you to rape lesbian women to straighten them? Does religion ask you to kill them? Does religion ask you to fornicate, drink alcohol, embezzle money? No, but these are actual crimes protected by our hypocrisy and have turned our society to shreds, yet what we do is to oppress and demonize the vulnerable minority. The odour of the hypocrisy is strong. Isn’t it wonderful how people try to come together under the one God umbrella to promote the homophobia agenda, people who can’t even stand each other? Is it not wonderful that the same person who says homosexuality is un-Africa would go ahead to judge antics base on the ruling of an equally imported religion? 

If true, this is all about religion, then let God be the judge.

The conversation became hot and it continued like that for another 20 minutes, we both talked out of turn, I was numbed and appalled at some of the inhuman statements these guys made. It was when one of them moved close and pushed me that I knew I had to end the argument and bounce — an argument that won’t take me to Canada, God will not let me stress on it, especially not with homophobes. I picked my bag and headed out, but as I walked away, Chief said “go on you gay, before you collect beating.” I looked back at him, gave him a sheepish smile and said the most squeamish yes I believe he’s ever received in his life. This could never be me four to five years ago, I would have stripped to my underpants and caused major trouble.